


Alive but not so much

by Taitsu



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, life(?, thought, very short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-20 02:41:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2411999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taitsu/pseuds/Taitsu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>being alive, but having to fake it makes you feel a little bit sad...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alive but not so much

Pretending to be fine, trying to be perfect, and walking out of sight, just to cry at night.

How much my eyes hurt from trying to keep myself awake. How much a smile hurts when it's fake. Swallowing and drink it's impossible when I’m holding up my tears, letting them fall when the night is here. Letting comments get me, faking my laugh so they won't suspect me. Creating bad excuses for the scars in my arms, when, in reality, it's my mind that's breaking me apart.

Feeling so good… and then so sad, Making decisions that make me mad. Breathing heavily before I cut again. Look there's nothing I can gain. Does crying feel so good? Or is it that I got nothing else to lose? Talking to yourself just makes you drown. Why can't you stop before it pulls you way too down?

Laughing all the time, hiding all the sorrow, dealing with the emotions they create, and you know what? I’m not talking ‘bout my friends. They pain me. They hurt me. They overflow my mind and soul, till I can do nothing but fall to the floor.

I wonder if anyone hears me screaming, if they can hear my thoughts shading. If anything I say will blow up my cover. And I wonder if I'll be able to hide forever. I have a cold body and tired eyes. Nobody seems to notice at all my red-eyes. Nobody seems to care about my wounds. It's as if everything I loved crashed on the floor.

Sometime's gonna come were they notice, a time when I can't take any more of this; when I will say "enough"; when everything is just too rough. I will warn them about what I could do. They will point and laugh saying I've got no reason to. I'll tell them I am not lying, though; they will say I am not cut up for that.

So when the time comes I will smile at them, turn my back to face the end. Nothing they could say now will make me change my mind, and I will finally say goodbye. As everyone else is crying, I will be smiling. It will be a true one for the first time in so long. That I won't care that it is wrong.

And I won't be... pretending to be fine, trying to be perfect or walking out of sight, just to cry at night.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what happened to me to write this.


End file.
